Please be honest with yourself when reading this. That’s the only way it’ll help you!
Do you put others before yourself? Is saying yes when you want to say no an unhealthy habit you’ve developed? When you do things for yourself, do you feel guilty about it and think about what you could be doing for others?
As far back as I can remember, I’ve been a “what can I do for them and not what can they do for me” chic. I’m sure it’s because I believe wholeheartedly if people gave more than they take, the world would be a better place. On the flip side, it can be unhealthy for everyone if you’re giving gets out of hand and you become a people-pleaser.
I chose this topic because it’s not talked about enough! I realized this after thinking a lot about some of my life experiences and talking to my clients about their journey.
I’m sure you don’t realize being a people-pleaser leads to you not taking care of your SELF, your personal obligations, it causes you to develop resentment for those around you, and eventually you start feeling under-appreciated and taken advantage of.
Here are 4 reasons why you shouldn’t let helping others get out of hand:
Relationships Will Suffer
If you have a hard time saying “No!” you most likely have a desire to help everyone and try hard to make everyone happy. As the quote goes, If You’re Everything to Everyone,You’re Nothing to Anyone!
You already have a lot on your plate so there’s not enough time left on your schedule to please everyone. Sometimes this causes the more important people to get left out.
Also, when you take on too many commitments, the quality of your efforts can suffer. This damages your personal and business relationships.
You Begin to Resent Yourself
A lot of women won’t admit they’re a people-pleaser because they don’t like that part of their personality. I know! I’ve been there.
But it has to be addressed!
This behavior is stressing you out. You can’t focus, you can’t lose weight, you can’t sleep at night, you don’t know why you never have energy, and more! This is why. You’re stressed because you’re constantly trying to keep everyone around you happy forgetting about YOU.
One day, you’ll notice, if you haven’t already, your own obligations are sitting in the backseat, while all the people you do so much for are making progress.
You’re Hurting The People You’re Trying to Please
When you do everything for people, they don’t experience growth naturally. You, yes you, limit their ability to take on and perform new tasks successfully when you can’t help them.
I learned being the problem solver I am when people come to you for support that doesn’t mean fix the problem or provide the solution.
When you see or hear someone you care about needing help, sometimes it’s best to let them learn the process themselves, as this develops a new skill and an improved sense of self-esteem.
I saw Maya Elious say something on Instagram a month or two ago about always being available and how its not always a good.
It immediately reminded me how things changed between me and my friends when I started my business and taking better care of myself. It took longer for me to reply to messages, I didn’t answer phone calls as soon as they came in and believe it or not I was declining hanging out. One even told me I wasn’t dependable anymore.
You Might Be Wrong (the truth is the truth, right?)
A lot of people-pleasers try to think about what will make others happy, and then act accordingly, even if it is detrimental to their own situation.
Remember, you are not a mind reader. Trying to assume what will keep everyone happy could lead to the opposite result.
I’ll close with this…
Make sure YOUR happiness and health a daily priority. Take care of YOU and don’t feel guilty about it. At the end of the day, becoming a healthier version of you allows you to serve better.
Live your life as if every day is a new take off and follow the one simple rule flight attendants provide every time: